I think high school sweethearts are cliche. Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing to meet someone in your high school years that you connect with so much that you go on to marry them and create a beautiful family. That’s rare and special for sure, but for me there’s such a strong feeling residing within myself that my twenties are meant for me to be single and alone. Yes, alone.
There’s a power that grows within you when you’re single in your twenties. You can call it a feeling or an intuition, but whatever it is I know that it’s important.
I’ve been in relationships before, great ones at that. Perfect relationships that I ended because of this feeling. It’s like an itch that I can’t scratch, a trust that I have to have with the universe that I’ll sacrifice now to reap the benefits later.
Some days a sacrifice is really what it feels like. Things can get lonely and you crave that companion to share your life with. Relationships are exhilarating and passion is something you can only wish to ever be able to fully describe with words. There are days where I wonder why I didn’t get the chance to meet my high school sweetheart and then call everything else quits…then I remember these 7 things.
I’m not sure everyone is aware of it when it happens, but when you get into a relationship something within you closes down. You’re obsessed with your new partner and you prioritize them over other experiences. I’ve done it myself and watched my friends miss out on once in a lifetime experiences because they chose to stay in with their boyfriend for a night. There’s a beauty in both sides (staying in with him for the night or going out and experiencing something special) but I strongly believe our twenties are meant for the latter. This is the prime time to be meeting new people and learning about the world and none of that can be done from the comforts of my couch.
This is finely interweaved with how natural it is to stay open to new people and experiences when you are single. When you have no where else to be, suddenly incredible places to be appear. You say yes to trips you wouldn’t have gone on without your boyfriend and you meet new people with insane connections because you were able to talk to them without feeling guilty. In my opinion the experiences that being single can bring me are tenfold of those that a relationship can bring me right now, and this is proven to me daily.
It’s a lot easier to skip out on going out to eat or spending money on tickets for two when you’re single. I’ve found that being in a relationship can be pricey, because going to dinner can add up and having to buy two tickets to the movies is expensive these days. When I’m single, my money is my money and I don’t have to worry about covering anybody else but myself and I personally love that. It’s given me the ability to save enough for a trip to Europe and multiple trips to the U.S. east coast.
My time is my time.
Ahhh, I think is my favorite part of being single. I love being in charge of my time. I have no obligations to drive to see anybody or to spend the night somewhere because it’s my turn to stay at their house. I get to sleep where I want, when I want. I get to do what I want, when I want. The freedom to live my day completely and totally for me is something special to me at this point in my life. When kids and husband come into play, I’ll be craving this time so for now I’m cherishing every second.
My choices effect me and me only
I’m kind of a ballsy woman. I packed up and moved halfway across the country because I just felt like it and I have plans to go and travel the world next year. That being said, I need to be able to make big decisions like this without thinking of the effect they’ll have on anyone else. If I was with someone right now I’d have to take their feelings and thoughts into account and I’d be accounting for them as much as I am for me. This is the time, like I said earlier, for me to do what I want, when I want. I don’t want to argue about it I want to just go out and do it. It’s nice to know that there’s no guilt behind my decisions because I’m the only one they’re really effecting.
My opinions are mine. Your twenties are about discovering yourself.
Learning and growing into the thirty year old that you’ll be. For me, I want to keep my mind to myself, allowing it to blossom without the opinion of a significant other. I want to create the habit of forming my own thoughts and opinions on subject matters. I thrive for intelligent conversations and the ability to talk politics, and I’m proud to say that everything I say is a formation of what I think and not what my significant other does. My mind has become my own, and I believe that to be one of my greatest assets.
I’ve learned to fall in love with myself.
Okay I lied, this is my favorite because everything else aside from this is what really matters. Now some people are really damn good at falling in love with themselves while in a relationship but for the rest of us, being single is necessary so that we have the openness, experiences, money, time, choices, and opinions that are vital in discovering yourself and so forth falling in love with yourself. The world would be an incredibly different place if every human had learned the importance of falling in love with themselves before anybody else. By loving yourself you create an immediate calmness within you that means you don’t fight with your friends or family, you become a genuinely nice person, and you wake up happy. You’re not afraid to stand up for yourself and what is right. Loving yourself is the root of all happiness and it is so much fun to fall in love with yourself when you’re single. It’s a learning curve and the road can be a bit bumpy, but now that I’ve learned how to love myself first and somebody else second I’m realizing exactly what love is and how to best love somebody else (when the time is right). I’ve learned the importance of listening to hear and not just to respond, that the world does not revolve around me, and that at the same time I am an important piece of the puzzle. This right here, is powerful stuff.
Let me reiterate-some people are meant to have relationships in their twenties and that’s awesome and cool within itself. This is the opinion of somebody who knows that being single in her twenties is destiny. That this time will be so much more magical if she holds off and lives for herself and only herself for the next few years.
With more of my twenties to go, I can’t fathom the growth that will come from staying single. I know my next relationships will be incredible because of all this time I have spent on myself now, but until then I’m going to sit back, relax, and have the time of my life.
Lately life has been teaching me some valuable lessons.
I’ve learned that I am the one in charge of creating the life that I want to live, that learning and growth should never stop, and that my failures are actually my biggest successes.
I spend most of my time painfully learning these lessons. I usually stumble around for a bit before I realize that life is presenting me with an opportunity to learn a new way of thinking or another way of getting what I want.
My toughest lesson lately has been my perspective on relationships. As I build my own business and I grow into the woman that I want to be, I’ve started to wonder what kind of man I’m going to end up with.
I’m hardworking, spontaneous and my fears are diminishing by the second. I’m growing stronger and more capable than I have ever been and I am starting to sense that it is going to take an even stronger man to be able to keep up with me.
Months have gone by since I have had a conversation with a man that really sparked me. You know the conversations that you have that you can’t stop thinking about for days? The people that you can text back and forth with for weeks at a time without ever running out of things to say?
I haven’t had that in quite some time and it set off an alarm in my mind.
Cue Jessie James Decker.
Clearly this girl knows what she is talking about when it comes to love. Her marriage is the epitome of goals and she’s somebody that I will listen to when she gives advice on dating and relationships.
As I started to worry about the future of my love life, I stumbled upon a video where she told an incredible story.
Jessie talked about a previous relationship with a man who treated her poorly and what happened on the plane ride home after she had finally called it quits with him.
“I pulled my computer out and I started writing a letter. I said, ‘I know my soulmate is out there and this is what I’m looking for.’ I was as specific and detailed as I could be about exactly what my soulmate was about. If you read it today I promise you, you would say to me, ‘you wrote this after you met Eric!’ I swear to you I didn’t”.
I watched the video twice to make sure that it resonated with me and then I embraced the lesson that life had just put smack dab in front of me.
If you want something, you have to put focus on it. When Jessie wrote down all of the things that she wanted in her soulmate, she shifted her focus to look for those qualities in a man. She essentially told HERSELF what it took in her mind for a man to be a qualified contender to be her husband.
Most importantly, she sent that energy out into the world.
We’re all familiar with the law of karma, what goes around comes around. When Jessie created that list of characteristics that she wished for in a man she performed the first step of karma, she put it out there.
The second step was for Eric to come knocking at her door.
As incredible of a tool as this is to use for our love lives, we can also put it into every other aspect of our lives.
If we want a certain career, lifestyle, friendship, material item, anything that we could desire-we can help bring it towards us by writing down exactly what we want from it.
Listening to Jessie give out her love advice reminded me that for years I have been writing about what type of life I wanted. I wrote that I wanted to travel and that I wanted to love the work that I did with all of my heart.
Right now, I am doing all of those things.
I have lived and proven this beautiful lesson disguised as the story of her finding her soulmate.
Sitting back now, I’m no longer scared. I know that when I’m ready I’ll make my own list of qualities that I want in a man and I’ll do my part for “karma” and send out that energy.
Sometimes our life lessons don’t have to be painful. If you want something in your life, write it down. Talk to people about what you want. Believe that it’s coming to you and then wait patiently for your very own Eric to knock on your doorstep, flowers in hand.
You’ve had that chat with someone before. You know which chat I’m talking about. The one that you look over your shoulder to see if anyone else could read the words. The same chat that made you smile more than you have in years. That awesome feeling when someone calls you sunshine, sweetheart or sexy. Yes, we all remember that chat.
The flirting leading up to more can be exhilarating and thrilling. The little texts and the chats all lead up to more contact. Remember the rush of excitement and the twinges during your online flirting? How many of you can honestly say that phone sex evolved? If you said no, then you are lying. Either you had phone sex or masturbated during or after the chat, or better yet, you did both. That just heightened the moment and the upcoming meeting.
So you have been chatting it up with a new friend and you really want to meet the person. It may be a friend of a friend, an old high school acquaintance or even someone on this dating website. No matter how you came in contact with this person, you know eventually all this talk leads to meeting in person. It seems with all the social networking site that have boomed over the last decade and helped people connect, one of the biggest reconnection seems to be old classmates. Someone you may have had a crush on, but never acted on.
So how do you know when it’s time to meet up?
Have you checked his or her profile, family and ‘about me’ section? Do they have family member connections? Are they involved in groups you are comfortable with? Do they chat on their main profile page and all seems appropriate? If you can answer yes to all these questions, you should be feeling fairly comforted and at ease about setting up a public meeting. Even if this person is someone from your past, things and people do change; so make sure you check their history.
What happens when you do meet up?
One sentence answers that question. Whatever you both have agreed to. If you discuss coffee, then a trip to the local coffee house is in order. Dinner and a movie? You get the idea.
But if you have a full desire to meet and ‘hook-up’, then both of you must be on the same page. Saying things in text and in chats are one thing (ex. all the dirty talk, innuendos), but meeting in person can be totally different. So make sure you have all the plans laid out clearly. Don’t leave a single thought left unsaid.
Remember, the more you have online contact and the more sex talk, the more chances you will be meeting for a private rendezvous. Live your fantasy from days gone by, be free with your sexuality and enjoy the moment.
I remember when my husband & I had to attend our compulsory ‘pre marriage’ counselling session in order to be married in a beautiful little church I found and fell in love with. I remember feeling ‘quite the student’ sitting down, back straight, being spoken to about marriage and how it was inevitable we would have many ups and downs to face in the years ahead including the ‘seven year itch’. As I walked away from that meeting, I remember thinking, I love this man so much, is it possible I won’t feel the same in only 7 years time?
The ‘seven year itch’ is a term some refer to as a time where the love and happiness between a couple takes a downward turn. But if it’s at the seven year mark can’t we just enjoy married life in the meantime and mark it in our Google Calendar to prepare us a few months before hand? Nope… Is anyone immune to this? Of course… and what do we do if we start to get itchy? Well…The seven year (or thereabouts) is the likely timeframe because generally speaking at this time we know pretty much everything about our partners. We have been through the ‘getting to know you’ ‘butterflies in my stomach’ stage, the ‘honeymoon’ phase, life was content a few years ago, but today it’s the same as it was yesterday. You may begin to question, where has the fun ‘us’ gone? And if there are kids in the mix, well…a fun weekend has an entirely new meaning, the budget (oh yes there is a budget now) is different too, sleep…what is that? and its likely (highly likely) that sleeping with your partner is exactly that ‘sleeping’… hopefully for your sake in a deep sleep to block out the snoring of your partner and two little kids who are taking up just enough bed space to leave you to balance your body on the very edge of what was once your side of a very comfortable bed. Life changes, but if we get stuck looking back at the past, it becomes very easy to forget to appreciate the present.
I have to admit, having seen a snippet of the previews, I was really looking forward to watching channel sevens new reality show “Seven Year Switch” and although it’s only early days, it certainly has me hooked. The show follows four couples whose relationships are (putting it nicely) in a rough patch and they just don’t know how to get back to where they used to be. As the weeks progress will see the couples separate and switch spouses/partners to a partner who perhaps is a little more like them in terms of their personality.
I don’t know about you, call me crazy (many others have I’m sure) but if you and your partner are close to calling it quits, down to your last attempt before its all over, doesn’t the concept of sending your partner away on a break to a beautiful home (spa and all) with another well suited woman sounds slightly insane?
Well it is a social experiment after all because as far as I am aware I can’t find any feature in advanced search to add a new ‘like minded’ beau to my water view holiday house booking so where does that leave the rest of us? What can we do to stop that scratching the minute we start to itch? Surely if no one has come up with some kind of ointment by now, maybe we better get back to basics and consider this; try to stop looking back at what you were as an individual and what you were as a couple years ago. Life has changed now and so it should, embrace it and look forward to the future. Find happiness within yourself and try not to dwell on what you used to do or look like, it doesn’t make sense to be what we were five or ten years ago, otherwise we wouldn’t grow as people. Keep positive and seek comfort in knowing that no married couple will ever tell you that marriage is easy.
You’re probably thinking, how can love have a language?
Yes-love is a universal language and there are a multitude of ways to show someone you love them but that’s exactly where most of us fail.
Pretend you’re holding an old bucket full of flower petals. The petals are pink, red and white and you love how they make you feel when you look at their simple beauty.
Now pretend your significant other (or friend or family member) walks up to your bucket and starts taking handfuls of those flower petals and putting them in their own bucket. At first you don’t mind because you love them and you don’t mind sacrificing something that makes you feel good so that they too can feel good.
Suddenly you notice that your bucket only has a handful of flower petals left in it. The rust on the bottom of the bucket is starting to show and you realize that this bucket isn’t much without the beauty of all of the petals. To your dismay-your significant other takes every single last flower petal and leaves you standing there holding on to a dirty old bucket.
When you ask your partner to give some of your petals back so that you BOTH can enjoy their beauty, instead of handing you the petals that they originally took from you they hand you back a different kind. These petals aren’t nearly as beautiful as the ones you had and it immediately makes you feel like your partner is just taking from you and not appreciating what you are giving.
This is where the five love languages can save your relationship with a significant other, family member, or friend.
Do you see what’s actually happening? In your eyes your partner is just consistently taking from you and never giving back but in reality they feel the exact same way.
In their eyes, they are taking your petals and replacing them with better ones because your partner happens to like their petals more than yours. To them, they are helping you. They are providing for you and they are giving from their bucket to yours to make you happy.
It’s all a simple miscommunication.
Relationships tend to go downhill when we forget to talk to one another in a language that we each understand.
Take a look at the five love languages:
Words of Affirmation
Acts Of Service
For you, the equivalent of the beautiful petals filling your bucket is your partner telling you everyday how much they love you, are attracted to you, and appreciate you (words of affirmation).
For your partner, the equivalent of their bucket being filled with petals is when both of you get to spend a Saturday together watching movies and hanging out around the house (quality time).
When you try to fill your partners love bucket with words of affirmation (since that’s what you believe to be the best way to show another you love them) they feel as if you are just taking all of their flower petals and not giving any back.
When your partner spend all Saturday with you but never tells you how much they’re enjoying themselves (since just spending time together is enough for them to feel loved and cared for) you feel as if you’re giving away all of this time to someone who doesn’t appreciate your presence.
Our relationships fail when you lose sight of how to fill our partners bucket. They feel unloved and we feel unloved and it’s an all around losing situation.
Find out your love language and have your partner do the same and use this as a guide to making sure that each of you are speaking to each other in the same language and filling each other’s buckets with flower petals best suited for them.
Your life is changing. You’ve hit mid-life, you’re are going through a divorce, your children are adults and you realize you could be alone.
Maybe you join a dating website or you go online to your social media account*, strike up conversations with old classmates, who may be going through the same life changes you are. You have a mutual upset and connect. Maybe this is someone you had a crush on in high school, but didn’t have the self confidence then, whereas now you do. One chat leads to another. Cell phone numbers are exchanged. The texting begins.
Before you know it, you are meeting this person. You are excited and feel so good about yourself. You feel like a high-schooler again. Remember what it was like to go on your first date? For some of you, it may have been decades ago. Let yourself be happy, nervous and aroused.
But before you do meet, make sure to follow some basic rules; and make sure to share your concepts upfront with your date.
Better safe than sorry., Whether you knew this person twenty years ago or they are a new friend, you don’t really know the person well enough to feel completely safe. Meet in a restaurant for lunch. Get to know the person a little better before jumping into bed.
Always come prepared
No pun intended, but make sure you are prepared for a sexual encounter. You need to rely on yourself even if the other person promises they have it covered. In all the excitement and anticipation, sometimes people forget the little details. You don’t want to find yourself in a situation where you can’t continue on right at the heat of the moment.
Make sure someone you trust knows where you are, and even who you will be with. Just another safety measure. Maybe you can even pull the old ‘phone call from someone important’ routine. Have your trusted friend call you at a certain point. Just make sure you are available to answer.
Live your fantasy
Always had a fantasy that your ex-spouse wasn’t interested in doing? Why not bring up the idea with this person? Sometimes it is easier to have this sexual illusion with your hook-up buddy. You may feel less restrictive and more comfortable.
Keep open lines of communication
Stay in touch with the person. Maybe make this a week/monthly meeting. This allows you the chance to live out some deep hidden dreams, develop a new friendship and have some lovin’ that every one deserves. Plus as the relationship progresses, you can add new adventures (role playing, naughty talk and more people). You don’t have to keep the meeting solely to your re-acquaintance. You have a fantasy, and chances are your new partner shares the same idea. Talk about it and if you do, why not go one step further. Find a third person to share the new found relationship with on an adult match making website.
Prepping prior to meeting
Let yourself loose and have a little texting or phone sex. Hype up the meeting. Get yourself as well as the person you are meeting riled up. This will make the meeting (when ready) for a private setting that much more anticipated.
*According to Pewinternet.com in January 2014, 30-49 year-olds were tied for the top percentage of social media users.
Studies have shown that marrying your best friend can make you happier and help you live longer. Marrying your best friend means you have a deeper connection than just romantic love. Romantic love is fun and all, but eventually those butterflies die down and you’re left with the reality of who each of you are on a daily basis. Can you make it last forever? Well if you were friends before you started dating and before you got married, then you have a pretty good chance of staying friends for life. Here are 5 couples were friends before marriage.
Kate Middleton and Prince William
Image hrhcatherinemiddleton Instagram
Kate Middleton and Prince William met at school, St. Andrews. They were friends and even flat mates before they started dating. Now they’re married with a handsome prince and pretty little princess!
Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher
Image kunismilax Instagram
Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher were longtime friends before getting married in 2015. They met in 1998 and didn’t start dating until 2012. 14 years of friendship before dating! How lovely.
Carey Mulligan and Marcus Mumford
Image Daily Mail Instagram
Carey Mulligan and Marcus Mumford were pen pals as children, how adorable is that? They actually lost touch, become reacquainted, and married in 2012. Childhood sweethearts!
Ayesha Curry and Stephen Curry
Image ayeshacurry Instagram
Ayesha Curry and Stephen Curry met when they were 14 and 15 years old, were friends for years, until college- when they started dating. They got married in 2011 when they were 22 and 23.
Kim Kardashian West and Kanye West
Image kimkardashian Instagram
Kim and Kanye had been friends for years before starting to date in 2012. He can even be seen in some of the old Keeping Up with the Kardashians shows as a “friend”.
As the famous David Beckham quote goes about loving his wife,
“She’s my best friend, would you want to hurt your best friend?”