How Years Of Feeling Lost Brought Me Inner Peace
I was there.
I would read about this thing called “inner peace” everywhere and would think about how great it would be to be able to relate to that.
Inner me was far from peaceful.
I was 23 years old and feeling completely lost.
Yes I had been raised in a great family and yes I had supportive friends and yes I was living quite a good life in comparison to the hands that others had been dealt. I knew all of this and somehow it made me angrier.
It made me mad at myself for not being grateful for all of the great things that had been placed so perfectly in my life.
It made me feel as if I was dramatic in saying that I was completely and totally lost and felt like I had no direction.
It made me who I am today.
Flash forward to a year later and I never ever (ever ever) feel lost.
I know my purpose now (at least for the time being) and I know that I am on the right path to accomplishing it.
Had somebody told me that I would feel this stable and this confident in what I was doing a year ago I would have stared at them with big eyes and said, “Tell me how to make that happen, right now.”
Yet that was the paradox of being lost. While I was lost and confused, shuffling around in the dark trying to make sense of what seemed like nothing I was finding myself.
It’s totally cliche but that’s okay because it’s the truth.
I’ve spent more than a year stumbling around in the dark trying to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life, what my priorities and morals are, how I want to live, and who I want to do it with, it’s just that this past year is when it all intensified.
I graduated college and suddenly I had something new. Time.
I had the time to realize that holy sh*t, I had no clue what I wanted out of my life and I had all the time in the world to feel really overwhelmed about it.
Here’s where the good came in:
While I was feeling overwhelmed, anxious, constantly stressed, confused, lost, and overall a hot mess I was really just growing and transforming into the strong (quite independent if I can toot my own horn) woman that I am today.
That overwhelm and stress forced me to read books that I normally wouldn’t have. It forced me to take control of how I was going to perceive my life (Read: The Inside Out Revolution by Michael Neill). The confusion forced me to start studying how other people were living their lives and feeling lost made me ask questions to people who seemed to have it all figured out.
That hot mess express of a young twenty year old that I was, completely and totally shaped me and transformed me to be a badass, resilient, and purposely driven person.
Through all of that chaos I was led directly to inner peace.
It’s a strange catch 22 that without that hectic year of my life I would never be the statue of inner peace that I am now. Without having gone through what felt like an emotional fire, I would not be able to pull off the things that I am now. I simply wouldn’t have the confidence, the heart, or the charisma to do so.
That feeling of being lost and having no idea where to go from here (physically, emotionally, career wise, relationship wise, etc.) is what will make you something special. It’s that feeling that will brew within you for long enough that it will mold a diamond in the rough.
So just when you’re thinking that you can’t possibly take the feeling of a lack of purpose and fulfillment for one second longer…decide to keep growing.
Decide to keep delving deeper into how you’ll accomplish your own version of inner peace.
Decide to read, watch, learn, and listen to how others have created purposeful and beautiful lives for themselves.
As the Buddha describes, a lotus flower grows in the murkiest and muddiest waters only to fight it’s way to the top and blossom into an absolute beautiful flower.
Fight your way to the top. Learn everything you can during this chaotic time and keep it as a tool in your toolkit.
This is without questions your time.
Your time to learn about yourself and what makes you, you. What makes you happy, what makes you totally freak out, what limiting thoughts you are having, what you can do to accelerate your growth to the surface.