I knew I was in trouble when I saw the look in his eye. I could foresee the future, right then and there. I knew he would want more from me than I would be able to give him right now.
Immediately I felt guilty.
Had I led him on to believe that we could have become anything official? A few days into knowing him I had told him that I wasn’t interested in anything serious, should I have pushed it more?
As a full time traveler and driven career woman, a relationship is not in the books for me right now.
My sights are set on my goals of traveling the world and building an empire, not on falling in love.
For a few days, I felt like I was in the wrong.
Should I slow down on my goals and open up the time for somebody?
The thought sounded just as ridiculous in my head as it does written down.
Here is the thing: you don’t have to feel guilty about being selfish.
In fact, it’s quite empowering. To say that at 25 years old, my sole focus is on my own aspirations is a beautiful thing.
I’m proud to have grown into this woman, the one that is savvy, business minded and ready to build her own empire.
As the guilt crept in and I felt obligated to give this man the slice of me that he wanted, I realized that the obligation I felt wasn’t being put on me by him but by me.
I was the one who felt guilty about being selfish and telling him that this was not the time for a relationship. I’ve been in his shoes before and I survived. If anything being told no pivoted me into the best possible direction for my life.
With my eyes on the prize, I know that there is only one obligation in life and that is to make the most of it as is your definition.
My definition of going all in on this one life that has been granted to me is to aspire for the career that entices me, the lifestyle that I have been envious of for years and to prove to myself just how much I am capable of.
If this means that I have to take a few years off of dating, I am okay with it. And so, others will have to be too.
At the end of the day, it’s me. I can’t fill anybody else’s cup unless mine is already full. As I “selfishly” fill my cup today I know that I will one day be able to fill somebody else’s-when the time is right.