I like to refer to it as awkward limbo. The stage between talking to somebody for two months consistently and choosing to make things official.
In awkward limbo, the honeymoon stage is in full effect. Because you’re both still trying to impress the other the chemistry between both of you can be noticed across the restaurant dining room on your casual date night.
The problem with living in limbo is that it starts to get to your head.
After a while, you wonder if putting all your eggs in this basket is the smartest idea. What if you put your heart and soul into this basket, only to lift and it find out the bottom wasn’t attached?
Your eggs come crashing down and life becomes a metaphorical mess that you’re stuck cleaning up.
If you are living in this limbo and starting to get the stress bug-read this now.
You are living in the future.
As Buddha says, if you are stressed out you are in the future. You are no longer in the present moment.
In the present moment, everything is okay. Your limbo either makes perfect sense because you realize that defining things would be the wrong thing to do right now, or you feel okay about walking away if he’s not ready for the commitment that you are. There are no concerns for if things don’t work out because in the present moment you know that all is meant to be.
This is a major life lesson that when learned early can transform your life into a spectacular journey versus a painful suffering.
You can bring this notion of the present moment into your everyday life. Feeling rushed for time? You’re in the future. Feeling guilty and resentful? Your mind is in the past.
Knowingly you can do nothing about either of these places. Your past lies before your current limbo and your future ahead of it. You can only physically control today, right here and right now.
Let’s bring this into other life scenarios:
- Career. If you don’t like your career and are consistently stressed out about it-this is your sign that you are thinking too far in your future. Your mind is solely focused on what is to come if you stay at this job and because of that you no longer think about this present moment. The days will pass you by and you’ll dig yourself into a bigger rut. Take yourself out of the future, into the present and ask yourself, “What can I do today so that in six months I do not have this problem anymore?”.
- Relationships. This spans across all relationships in your life not just the connections with significant others. If you have trouble talking to your sister or brother, your thoughts are in the past. You are remembering something about this relationship that hurt you previously and so you are holding on to it, refusing to let it go even though there is not a single action that could be taken to reprimand the damage in real time. Let it go. Ask yourself, “How do I make myself feel okay about this situation?”
- Money. You will always notice people who are stressed out about money and you at one point will be one. If you’re stressed out about it what does that tell you? You are too focused on your future situation. Instead bring your focus to this present moment. Reflect and think, “What can I do today to make myself more money tomorrow?”.
You shouldn’t stay in awkward limbo if it’s not right for you, but before going all in on commitment or walking away it’s important to connect the dots and make certain that you are in the present moment.
What I’ve come to realize is that in the present moment, almost everything is okay. Your life is in full control because you are awake to the fact that right here and right now is the only thing you can control. This is a beautiful insight.
Take the weight off your shoulders and embrace the idea that this moment is the only relevant moment of your life. Refuse to let the future whisper in your ear and tell you that you should be feeling emotions that are totally unnecessary. Stay present and focused in relationships, your aspirations and your financial situation and life will flow you to your own personal oasis.