“Oh baby I like the way you …” and then it happens. The mind has left the room, and some other face has replaced the one under you. Familiar anyone? Maybe you’ve experienced the slight guilty feeling, or the “what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him” shrug.
Fantasising about someone else while having sex with the significant other; this intrigued me. Curious, I started a discussion with my friends on the subject. Here’s how it went.
KP: “It’s natural to have thoughts of someone else. Just the fact that you’ve had better. Your mind will wonder”
JN: “Based on general principle, that’s gross disrespect to ones’ partner in my opinion. And it shows that there is something wrong in the relationship. Especially if its the woman who doesn’t have a desire towards her husband. I personally think its wrong.”
WT: “Not necessarily, it’s not deliberate. And that does not mean she doesn’t have the desire for her husband. It’s like subconscious or something. I do agree that it is disrespectful if it’s a constant thing.”
LC: “So then what’s the difference between that and masturbating? I guess that should be disrespectful too”
MP: “Wait! So does that make fantasising OK if it’s natural? That just leads to cheating on your partner. Cheating does not happen over night.”
The discussion had me thinking. Was fantasizing acceptable? And what would determine that?
Let’s put this into perspective. Why would anyone be thinking about someone else while having sex with their partner, in the first place?
- Boring sex
- In love with somewhere else
All of these can be mended. You need better sex. Teach your partner what works for you. Note I said teach, so be ready to demonstrate and get feedback. It’s proven to improve couple intimacy.
If you want to be with someone else. Then why aren’t you? Unless you or other person is married. Be with the person you love, and have a deep connection with, so you don’t have to deal with the “if only”.
A cheater can stop cheating. This is a great way to exercise your will power. All bad habits and behavior can be overcome if you truly want to change. First, you need to be honest with yourself and admit you are a cheater, or that you have the cheating mindset. Own up to it, and make practical changes. Get counselling if your have to, and stay committed to your new choices. Or even better see if your partner is open to trying new things in the bedroom like adding in another person or even a couple.
It all boils down to what principles governor your relationship. Honesty, trust or anything goes. If you want a happy, successful relationship. The decision starts with you. You must be an honest and trustworthy person if you expect that from your partner. Be consistent with your standards. You wouldn’t want him fantasising about his ex while with you, so live by principle.
Thinking about someone else while having sex with your partner will only encourage you to be unfaithful. So instead of entertaining these thoughts; find out why you are having them. Dig to the root of the issue and work on it. So the next time things get heated and you begin to moan “Oh baby I like the way you…” your mind will actually be in the right place.