Your life is changing. You’ve hit mid-life, you’re are going through a divorce, your children are adults and you realize you could be alone.
Maybe you join a dating website or you go online to your social media account*, strike up conversations with old classmates, who may be going through the same life changes you are. You have a mutual upset and connect. Maybe this is someone you had a crush on in high school, but didn’t have the self confidence then, whereas now you do. One chat leads to another. Cell phone numbers are exchanged. The texting begins.
Before you know it, you are meeting this person. You are excited and feel so good about yourself. You feel like a high-schooler again. Remember what it was like to go on your first date? For some of you, it may have been decades ago. Let yourself be happy, nervous and aroused.
But before you do meet, make sure to follow some basic rules; and make sure to share your concepts upfront with your date.
Better safe than sorry., Whether you knew this person twenty years ago or they are a new friend, you don’t really know the person well enough to feel completely safe. Meet in a restaurant for lunch. Get to know the person a little better before jumping into bed.
Always come prepared
No pun intended, but make sure you are prepared for a sexual encounter. You need to rely on yourself even if the other person promises they have it covered. In all the excitement and anticipation, sometimes people forget the little details. You don’t want to find yourself in a situation where you can’t continue on right at the heat of the moment.
Make sure someone you trust knows where you are, and even who you will be with. Just another safety measure. Maybe you can even pull the old ‘phone call from someone important’ routine. Have your trusted friend call you at a certain point. Just make sure you are available to answer.
Live your fantasy
Always had a fantasy that your ex-spouse wasn’t interested in doing? Why not bring up the idea with this person? Sometimes it is easier to have this sexual illusion with your hook-up buddy. You may feel less restrictive and more comfortable.
Keep open lines of communication
Stay in touch with the person. Maybe make this a week/monthly meeting. This allows you the chance to live out some deep hidden dreams, develop a new friendship and have some lovin’ that every one deserves. Plus as the relationship progresses, you can add new adventures (role playing, naughty talk and more people). You don’t have to keep the meeting solely to your re-acquaintance. You have a fantasy, and chances are your new partner shares the same idea. Talk about it and if you do, why not go one step further. Find a third person to share the new found relationship with on an adult match making website.
Prepping prior to meeting
Let yourself loose and have a little texting or phone sex. Hype up the meeting. Get yourself as well as the person you are meeting riled up. This will make the meeting (when ready) for a private setting that much more anticipated.
*According to Pewinternet.com in January 2014, 30-49 year-olds were tied for the top percentage of social media users.
If you’re in a long-term relationship and have been for many years, you may have noticed your partner doesn’t pay enough attention to you or is not as romantic or spontaneous as before. So what are you supposed to do after a long work week, chasing the kids and all the hectic daily life moments you have? You’re exhausted and the last thing on either of your minds is getting your ‘sexy on’.
Looking for little moments to show your partner how much you love and appreciate them doesn’t have to take a lot of money or time.
- Everyone buys gas for their vehicles at least once a week, so when paying slip in one of those prepackaged single red roses near the check-out register. For as little as an extra dollar or two, you can give this to your partner ‘just because’. After all, do we really need a holiday or birthday as an excuse to buy a rose?
- Date night doesn’t have to be a dinner out. Bring home the meal or take-out, set the table with candles and lower the lights; after the kids have gone to bed, of course. And to make the night complete, offer to help with the clean up, or give your partner the night off and you do it.
- Give your partner an unexpected back massage. But don’t stop there, rub his or her feet, legs- make it an all over body massage. Nothing helps wash away the day or week’s stress like a relaxing massage. And you never know, it may lead to more.
- Bring the kitchen into the mix. Have a blindfolded taste testing. Use fruit, whipped toppings (plain and flavored), chocolate covered pretzels, or whatever your partner’s desire (favorite foods) are. Whisper ‘sweet nothings’ as you feed each other.
- Share a bath or showering together can be fun and really adds a sensuality to any relationship. But inside of just a joined bubble bath or washing each other’s backs- have some fun with it. Buy children’s ‘painting soaps’ and draw on it other. Maybe draw circles on your own body were your partner should be paying more attention to. Not only is this fun, but it helps each of you to know what turns the other person on.
- Do your own ‘where we first met scavenger hunt’. Over the years you have shared some great memories and this may take a lot of planning, help and preparation but in the end it will all be worth it. Have four or five little ‘stops’ and clues with the final location being where you first met. At that location have a picnic prepared, a special meal or whatever the location calls for.
- Buy a variety of specialty cheeses, deli meats, crackers and maybe two different wines. Set up a cheese and wine table and share the stress of the day; sometimes just talking to reconnect will open up the flood gates to more intimacy.
- Put together a lunch (all your partners favorite foods) and/or a work survival box and deliver it to his or her office. Make sure all the items are appropriate. Having a delivery at work, being the envy of others in the office, will definitely make your partner feel appreciated and more than likely they will reciprocate at home.
All these are simple ways that anyone can add some variety to their normally hectic days. It reminds you why you fell in love with your partner and should lend a helping hand with spicing up the romance and bedroom.
We’ve all seen them, maybe been involved in one, but how do you professionally deal with an inter-office romance? In the beginning, the excitement and thrills are present, but how do you handle the relationship as it endures, and then, how do you deal with a break-up?
Commencing the relationship– You’ve been flirting with your co-worker, and subtle little hints have been noticed. The extra attention he pays to your schedule. All the times she brought you a coffee without being asked. The ‘chance’ coming together daily in the lunchroom or in the copy area. You have been ‘eyeing’ each other for days, weeks or maybe months. You feel the physical energy, and you’re sure the other person is experiencing it also, so what do you do?
Enjoy the company, the attention and, as long as neither of you are involved in another relationship, strike up a more personal conversation. Keep it simple at first to get the vibe of the other person’s notion of where this relationship is heading. If at anytime you feel an awkwardness or uncomfortable ambiance, inform the other person of your intentions and that you would like to remain friends. Don’t go down a path you are unsure, or uneasy, about.
Taking the next step- The flirting continues and the two of you decide to take things to the next level. The biggest question and concern is probably, do you make your relationship public? Some offices and workplaces have a solid policy against workplace relationships and romance. Some offices won’t even hire spouse, family members or girl/boyfriends. So before entering the relationship into a unrestricted status, check your company’s policy. Also, don’t forget, just because you don’t personally tell, or show the signs of being involved, your social media accounts and status (which co-workers and employees can possibly see) will give away the connection. So tread carefully, especially when making an update or posting the past weekend’s plans and who you were with.
Concealing the connection- When in a new relationship, all you want to do (especially women) is yell it from the mountaintops and have some girl-talk and share the romance, the sweet nothings being whispered in your ear. If you’re keeping the relation under wraps, talk to outside people away from work. If you’re open about the relationship, then share by all means. But keep the ‘behind-the-doors’ chat out of the lunchroom. Over sharing can create workplace animosity, jealousy and even termination if you misspeak in front of the boss or higher ups. So be careful about who is around the corner when you open your mouth.
The Break-Up Happens- What to do when the inter-office romance fails and the break-up is not amicable? Feelings are hurt, anger rears its ugly head and sometimes, revenge comes to surface. So how do you deal with this while trying to work and remaining calm?
Ignoring the person and situation is the best policy, but is also easier said than done. Distance yourself from the person, don’t take on projects involving the person and most importantly, don’t give into idle gossip. If the other person is speaking ill of you, disregard it. The first response is always going to be retaliation, but take the high road and be the better person. As the days go by, this advice will get easier and eventually the pain, gossip and person’s harassing words and presence will go away.
You’ve had that chat with someone before. You know which chat I’m talking about. The one that you look over your shoulder to see if anyone else could read the words. The same chat that made you smile more than you have in years. That awesome feeling when someone calls you sunshine, sweetheart or sexy. Yes, we all remember that chat.
The flirting leading up to more can be exhilarating and thrilling. The little texts and the chats all lead up to more contact. Remember the rush of excitement and the twinges during your online flirting? How many of you can honestly say that phone sex evolved? If you said no, then you are lying. Either you had phone sex or masturbated during or after the chat, or better yet, you did both. That just heightened the moment and the upcoming meeting.
So you have been chatting it up with a new friend and you really want to meet the person. It may be a friend of a friend, an old high school acquaintance or even someone on this dating website. No matter how you came in contact with this person, you know eventually all this talk leads to meeting in person. It seems with all the social networking site that have boomed over the last decade and helped people connect, one of the biggest reconnection seems to be old classmates. Someone you may have had a crush on, but never acted on.
So how do you know when it’s time to meet up?
- Have you checked his or her profile, family and ‘about me’ section? Do they have family member connections? Are they involved in groups you are comfortable with? Do they chat on their main profile page and all seems appropriate? If you can answer yes to all these questions, you should be feeling fairly comforted and at ease about setting up a public meeting. Even if this person is someone from your past, things and people do change; so make sure you check their history.
What happens when you do meet up?
- One sentence answers that question. Whatever you both have agreed to. If you discuss coffee, then a trip to the local coffee house is in order. Dinner and a movie? You get the idea.
- But if you have a full desire to meet and ‘hook-up’, then both of you must be on the same page. Saying things in text and in chats are one thing (ex. all the dirty talk, innuendos), but meeting in person can be totally different. So make sure you have all the plans laid out clearly. Don’t leave a single thought left unsaid.
Remember, the more you have online contact and the more sex talk, the more chances you will be meeting for a private rendezvous. Live your fantasy from days gone by, be free with your sexuality and enjoy the moment.