Yes, I used independence and relationship in the same context! I am not a fan of girls who get into relationships and slowly dissipate their independence, whether it be emotionally, financially, physically, or in other friendships and family relationships.
I think this is when we as women hit dangerous territory-when our happiness is so intertwined with somebody elses emotions and actions that we don’t know who we are anymore. When we shut the water off of our fountain of happiness and give the keys to another person is when things get real dicey.
Have you ever seen a couple absolutely infatuated with each other years and years into their relationship? Notice the woman. She’s happy, she’s confident in herself and her abilities, she’s a proud provider to her man, and she’s i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t. You can tell immediately that her man is her supporter and lover but not the only component there is to her. She’s her own woman with her own thoughts and opinions and her man is there to love her and be her companion.
We are all powerful beyond measure and a lot of that power comes from being our own individual self before we are somebody’s partner. People fall in love with us for who we are when we were independent souls and to keep that independence during the relationship will keep your partner infatuated with you for the long haul.
How do you make sure that you are keeping yourself an independent woman whose man only rises her up but isn’t the only source of her power, femininity, and independence?
Make time to be alone
Look, I’ve been there-the beginning stages of a relationship where all you want is to live and breathe that person all day and night long. You’re absolutely infatuated and it’s damn near impossible to part even if you have been together for 48 hours straight but it is just so important that you do. Carving out time to be alone keeps you…you. It keeps you balanced and healthy-you have to remain your first priority so that your relationship can be strong and incredible. I repeat-you have to be the source of your power, femininity, and independence and you have to be able to return to the space all by yourself and without your partner for the best life results.
Keep your friendships strong
I’ve also been there. Suddenly you have a lot less time for you friends and if you don’t prioritize them it is so easy for them to slip away and become distant. Do not let this happen. You NEED girl time and you don’t want to come running back to your friends 6 months later when you’re finally ready to see them again. Stay close to your friends and make girl time a priority. Your man will be doing the same with his boys and it will only elevate your relationship for you both to have strong friendships outside of your own.
Be financially independent
Don’t rely on him for anything. You are your own person and at the end of the day the pride and hard work it takes to be your own sole financial facilitator is worth a hundred times more than relying on somebody else for their money. It’ll keep your relationship balanced and not in his favor and will have you emotionally feeling powerful and capable.
Stay focused on your dreams
It breaks my heart when I see friends get into relationships and suddenly they’re throwing their dreams out the window because it doesn’t fit the mold of their relationship. In fifty years time you will regret this every day of your life. It won’t have been worth it! Keep your boyfriend close and your dreams closer. Don’t settle for anyone whose dreams don’t align with yours. This is a one shot life and at the end of the day you want to be able to say you did everything that you wanted with it.
Be the creator of your own happiness
This is where all of the above points come together. If you can’t be all by yourself and as happy as a clam then you are not in control of your happiness. If you’re putting all your eggs in one basket and only prioritizing one relationship in your life versus your friendships as well-you’re playing a risky game of allotting the big red button of your happiness to be in the control of one other human. If your finances are completely dependent on somebody else than you are at their beck and whim and so is your happiness. And, last but not least-if you are letting your dreams slide to the back burner for a temporary feeling of lust you are putting the fate of your life in somebody’s hands who more than likely is going to make sure their dreams come true at the end of the day. Make sure your happiness is the number one priority in your entire life because that’s where beautiful and unfathomable relationships are born.
The best part of keeping your independence when you are in a relationship is how much more magical that relationship ends up being. Your man will be even more infatuated with you and will be proud to call you his woman.
You know what else? You will be more infatuated with yourself and be proud to be who you are. You’ll be happy, genuine, a good friend, a power woman, and most of all an emotionally healthy and supportive partner for your man.
Do it for your man and do it for you. Stay courageous, silly, lovable, career driven, and most importantly-stay you.